33 Percent Guilty Pleasure
by o0RainbowParadise0o
Summary: Matt has disappeared, and Mello can't find him anywhere on Wammy's House campus. What happens when Mello finds Matt where he least expects him to be...Near's room. This is and Acid!fic that contains smut! :'3


A/N: Yeah, this is something I randomly wrote to relieve stress from school work. This is also dedicated to my friend, Krystal. :] We were talking about MattNear and crackness over IM earlier this week. She wanted me to write something similar to this story. I say "similar" because I highly doubt this is _anywhere close_ to what we both originally had in mind. o.o I was going to write a serious, MattNear story, but yeah, this turned into a full out Acid!fic! I hope you guys enjoy it at least a little bit. XD

**Warning: This is an Acid!fic that contains smut! If you do not like it, then do NOT read it!  


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_Where the hell is Matt?_

After walking down this particular hallway for about the third time that Saturday evening, I was beginning to get pissed off. Not having much patience, once I noticed I was about to loop and start the fourth round of walking down the hallways, I glowered and shook my head vigorously. Blond strands slapped me in the face as I did so. My hands—that had been tightened into fists for the past thirty minutes—strained even more. Walking through the main, frontal part of Wammy's Orphanage, amber rays of the falling, evening sun burned my skin with anger as I stomped my feet up the spiraling staircase, heading to the second floor.

_Fucking great! I was going to do something nice for once and actually _invite_ you to come outside and play football instead of drag you out there._ This _is the kind of reward I get! Next time Adrien, Walter, and Max drag me outside to play, I'm dragging your ass out there too! Forget invitations!_

Little did I know that the more I searched for the gaming brunette, the closer I would get to finding him. At that point in time, I didn't know that finding my best friend—who I thought was on my side—was going the be the worst possible thing I could ever do that day. However, I was utterly oblivious to the event that would take place that late evening at the orphanage that summer. The sticky, summer heat was probably another factor that sharpened the tension that day, considering that the orphanage didn't have a good air conditioning system that particular season.

Returning back to mine and Matt's room, I flung the door open with more emphasis, getting more and more irritated that I couldn't find the goggle wearing gamer. _Where the hell _is_ he?_ Unlike the inside of the orphanage, outside it was one of those relaxing, summer days that contained peacefulness and harmony. In saying that, most of the children and teenagers of Wammy's House were outside enjoying the rich, intoxicating scents of the humid atmosphere while enjoying the refreshing breeze that blew through. A few children decided to remain indoors, but most of those students were downstairs in the Common Room. The dinner bell would be blazing over the loud speaker within the next thirty minutes, and that was probably going to be the time when everyone would decide to head inside for the rest of the night.

_Even on a day like this, I'd expect Matt to be up here wearing out the buttons on that gaming system; he never was one to choose outdoor activities over video games._ However, there was the gaming contraption sitting abandoned in the floor. A few game cases were scattered around the television set. One of the game cases was open, revealing an empty place for a CD. From where I was standing, I could see that it had been the game that Matt was playing that morning, so I guessed that the CD was still in the system. There was an empty can of soda and a used paper towel with some crumbs also near the television set, but I ignored it. The littering blended in with the rest of the items that cluttered the room—clothes both clean and filthy, school papers both graded and unfinished, books, writing utensils, and leisure items.

Seeing that the brunette was not in our room, I exited the room and closed the door behind me. I slouched against the wooden, white door as my narrowed eyes stared down towards the floor. My attention wasn't on anything in particular in the hallway. Blond wisps wildly fell into my face, and I absently pushed them away. _He's not downstairs. He's not outside. He's not in our room....Where could be be?_

While questions cluttered my mind, I began more slowly down the empty hallway. My arms hung lifelessly at my sides as I drug my feet. At this point, I was past the point of irritation and anger towards Matt's disappearance. I was starting to become worried about his whereabouts. Being best friends with this brunette, if I wasn't with him, I knew where he was. Besides, I was usually the one who disappeared within the blink of an eye. Now that the roles had swapped, uneasiness was beginning to fill my insides as I continued on my search.

I hesitated for a moment in front of Near's room. A noise caught my ears, but it was nothing unusual. _Matt goes outside a hell of a lot more compared to Near. Tch. That bubble boy._ At that moment, I pictured the curly haired albino in a large, transparent bubble, rolling around like a hamster everywhere he went. A humored smirk pulled at the corner of my lips as I thought about kicking the plastic bubble as soon as Near got to the edge of the stairway. As I thought of the image of Near tumbling down the stairs in a large bubble similar to a boulder rolling down a hillside, my mood was lifted. Bringing pain to Near always seemed to bring me some form of happiness.

I swung out my leg, ready to continue on down the hallway so I could get to the staircase, but something caused me to hesitate. _What was that?_ There was something unusual about the next sound that came out of Near's room and faintly fell on my ears. Generally, Near was quiet if not completely silent. _Is he talking to himself?_ One of my eyebrows raised in bewilderment. _As if that little fur ball wasn't strange enough...._

"A-Ah...!"

That noise had been a lot louder than the last; I heard it more clearly. The breathy gasp caused a chill to sweep up my spine, causing me to flinch at the unusual, sensual sound. I frowned, suddenly feeling at a loss as to what my next move should be. _What could he possibly be doing in there?_ I suddenly cringed at the thought of Near pleasuring himself with one of his plastic figurines. The image instantly flashed through my mind before I could push it away.

The thought of Near on his knees, bent over so his forehead was pressed against the thin carpet of the bedroom. Being completely exposed on the bedroom floor, he shivered as the cool breeze coming from the air conditioner hit his back as soon as the system kicked on. His dove-white, curly locks messily fell around his head, appearing like pure, virgin whip cream begging to be touched and eaten. His entire body was gleaming faintly with sweat beads as he pushed the arm of the robot toy into himself, gasping and moaning with each harsh thrust in and rough pull out. He tossed his head lightly, his forehead still pinned to the ground as the friction thrilled his entire body, leaving him completely helpless to the bliss.

"Aah! Aah! M-Megatron!"

He inhaled sharply before wailing out in pleasure, "Ahh! P-Punish me!"

During that part of the sudden daydream, Near jerked his head over to the side. White curls sprays over his reddened face. Soft lips glossy with saliva, his mouth was parted open. With his eyes shut tightly, his eyelids flickered as he made no move to suppress his erotic moaning.

Still standing outside of Near's door, I couldn't help but feel completely turned on by the sudden fantasy that leaped through my mind. I shifted my weight uncomfortably as I tried to ignore the fact that my pants now felt tighter. _No, I did _not_ just get turned on by _Near_ of all people doing...doing..._that_. _Trying to play it off as nothing, I returned to trying to figure out what Near would _actually_ being doing behind closed doors that wasn't playing with his toys or doing a puzzle. I quietly moved over towards the door and gently pressed my ear against the white, wooden barrier between myself and Near.

My eyes squinted as I tried to concentrate on the noises that were coming from the other side of the doorway. There was a faint, creaking noise that only caused me to feel more confusion. I leaned in a bit further, my balance tottering slightly as I tried not to lean completely on the door while I attempted to focus my attention. _Is that...is the bed creaking?_ Before I could ponder that thought further, an abrupt, loud noise caused me to flinch backwards away from the door.

"Nn...M-Matt!"

Now standing in an awkward, tense stance in the middle of the hallway, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. _Matt...? Matt?! What the hell?!_ I shook away the stiff feeling the best I could before narrowing my eyes at the barrier that stood in front of me. That door was going to come down, one way or another! I never really did consider other people's privacy, so why start now? I stormed over to the door and flung it open, taking matters into my own hands and silently demanding what was going on.

I paled the instant the door was flung open. The event that had been going on behind the door was now revealed to me. My entire body turned such a shade of ghostly white, I probably looked more albino than Near himself. On the floor near the bed were two pairs of pants that had been carelessly discarded. One of them was a pair of white, pajama bottoms and the other being dark blue jeans. On the bed lied both Near and the disappearing wonder, Matt. Near's white shirt that was a few sizes too large was unbuttoned completely, exposing his flushed, smooth skin and rosy pink, perked nipples. His legs were draped over Matt's clothed shoulders; unlike the white-haired teen, Matt's maroon-and-black striped shirt was still on his body.

Although I didn't process it at that moment, the smell of sex thickly clung to the air. No, my attention was too occupied with the scene in front of me. Near's hands clenched the white, bed sheets tightly as his lips were parted in a silent cry. He was quietly gasping, trying to hold in the noises that were rising up in his throat as Matt slammed into him, pounding him into the mattress. The orange-tinted goggles that were currently worn around Matt's neck were whacking the brunette's collar bone with each thrust. His head was dropped so that brown strands of hair messily fell and stickily clung to his face, covering his blushed features and closed eyes.

Petrified in the doorway, my mind was completely blank. Needless to say, I was standing there like a deer in the headlights, unable to move, unable to think—only staring with wide eyes. Although I could still feel my entire body instantly burn with embarrassment and being turned on by the site in front of me. However, I was too shocked to process that my own member was hardening from the site and sounds, my erection pressing against the material of my black pants.

Even though his mind was clouded over with lust, Near was still able to process what had just happened. He peeked open one of his hazy, gray eyes to peer over at me in the doorway. I guess it was only expected because even though anyone could give in to temptations, Near was still Near; he was still far more alert than any of us. Knowing that Matt didn't notice my presence in the least bit, Near attempted to get his attention by calling me out. Not only did Matt need to be brought to realization, but I also needed to be awakened from my trance. However, things didn't exactly go as planned for the crimsoned, panting teen. The acknowledgment came out more as another wail of ecstasy.

"Ahh! Mello!"

That caught my attention. I snapped out of my trance instantly. Apparently, it caught Matt's attention as well, confused as to why his lover passionately screamed out someone else's name. His slower pace in thrusts stopped completely the instant he noticed I was standing in the doorway, watching the two of them. His eyes went wide. A look of pure terror was written on his face as he realized that I had just caught him banging my one, hated enemy and rival. Near tried to suppress a groan at the loss of friction as Matt fumbled over his words from both embarrassment at being caught and stumbling over his words due to the fact that his mind was still jumbled up from desire.

As Matt mumbled and stuttered out apologizes as Near tried to regain himself, I tilted my head down slightly. I closed my eyes as I lifted up a closed hand to coughed awkwardly into my fist. All this time I had also been at a loss for words, but at that moment, the right words seemed to expose themselves to me with open arms. As soon as the mumbled words left my lips, both Matt and Near both froze. Their attentions were instantly put on me, both of them dumbfounded. I shifted my weight, gently closed the door behind me, and then leaned against the door frame. I crossed my arms over my chest as pride brightened my features, and as a strong hunger glowed in my blue eyes.

I repeated the words with a wide smirk on my face, "Well? Why did you stop?"

Neither of them answered, now realizing that I had said exactly what they thought I said to begin with. Of course, I didn't expect them to answer me. I removed myself from the door frame. As I lifted my black shirt over my head, I continued on, "I cannot believe you would betray me like that, Matt. Sleeping with the enemy." After I tossed my shirt to the floor, I began to unzip and unbutton my black pants as well. I peered over at Near for a moment. My gaze seemed to make him uncomfortable, but at the same time, he had already looked uneasy, probably from the loss of contact. "Tch. Near." Remembering my daydream from earlier, I commented, "Such a tease."

Discarding my pants to the floor as well, I revealed the lacy, powdery pink lingerie I had been wearing. The woman's underwear was made with powdery pink, lacy material that held solid black trim. On the edges of the lingerie, just below the black trim, were small, black hearts trailing around the material at the top. I placed my hands on my hips and declared, "I believe a punishment is in order." They were both going to receive a punishment from me as penalty for what they did behind my back. Yes, that was right. They were going to get dominated by a male teen in lacy, pink, woman's underwear.

What happened after I stalked across the room was a blur to my mind. In a cloudy haze, I faintly remembered pinning the brunette down to the bed, ravishing the gamer while having Near give me a much needed blow job. The events after that suddenly went from me selfishly violating them—which neither of them objected to—to having myself sandwiched in between the two of them. Moans, gasps, and the thick smell of sex cluttered the bedroom as Matt took me from behind and as I thrust into Near beneath me. The feel of Matt's finger tips running down my sides and Near's hands roaming against my exposed chest burned my entire body as I enjoyed every minute of it. The grunts and groans coming from Matt and the moans and cries coming from Near intoxicated me.

To say the least, it was an erotic ride of thrill and ecstasy. Jerking my head back every time Matt rammed into my prostate, and having a blissful chill gallop up my spine every time Near writhed beneath me, it was an event I wanted to have dragged out as long as possible. I did not want this felicity to end.

The moment that Near arched his back, pushed his head into the mattress, and cried out in climax, my eyes snapped open. Darkness flooded my site; the darkness sharply contrasting with the surprisingly well lit bedroom I was in only seconds ago. In a daze, I was having trouble adjusting my eyes. Blinking repeatedly into the darkness, I slowly tried to come to my senses. Breathing heavily, I squinted my eyes for a moment as I recognized music faintly playing. Reaching up slowly, I felt headphones in my ears. I blinked into the darkness a few more times before recognizing my surroundings. I wasn't in Near's bedroom anymore. I was in mine and Matt's shared bedroom of Wammy's House.

I had been sleeping.

Shifting my head on my pillow, I gazed across the shadowy room to see that Matt was in his own bed, his back to me. I gazed over at him for a moment before groaning and turning back to my original position. Staring up at the ceiling, I began to process the music that was playing.

_Let's play a love game, play a love game,_

_Do you want love, or you want fame,_

_Are you in the game?_

Finally, I narrowed my eyes, ripped the headphones out of my ears, and tossed my mp3 player to the end of my bed. Cursing under my breathing, I growled, "Damn you, Lady Gaga." My thoughts going over the dream that just occurred, I couldn't help but think about how real the dream seemed. Everything about it felt like reality. The site, the scents, the sounds, the _feel—_everything just felt like it had happened, like the threesome had actually taken place only earlier that day. Yet, at the same time, the dream was...bizarre to say the least. _Seriously? A threesome? With _Near_?! And why the hell was I turned on by him and his...Megatron?_

Shaking my head, I ran my fingers through my blond strands, noticing how my forehead was damped with sweat from the _nightmare_ that had taken place in my head. Yes, definitely a nightmare. I deeply sighed with my eyes closed as I tried to block out the images; I did not want to recall those thoughts. I didn't want there to even be a _chance_ that I would be turned on by the thought of being sandwiched in between Matt and Near or from Near pleasuring himself with a figurine.

Removing my hand from my blond hair, I took note of something that also happened in my dream. _Wait a minute....Lacy, frilly, pink, ladies' underwear?! What the hell?! That is the _last_ time I fall asleep with my mp3 player on! God damn it! Damn you, Lady Gaga!_

I frowned when I heard music again. _Is that my mp3 player?_ Inwardly, I shook my head. The volume had been turned down way too low for me to hear it from all the way on the other side of the bed. The music device was wobbling on the edge of the bed, the headphones draped over the side and laying in the floor. _Wait a minute. Is....Is that the Mario theme song?_

It was. Clearly, I could recognize the Mario theme song being hummed. At that moment, I realized Matt was probably awake. As if things couldn't get any worse. I turned so that I was facing the wall, my back turned towards the brunette. The reason being was because there were only two reasons that Matt would be murmuring the Mario theme music. He'd only singing the theme song if he were playing Mario Kart or some other Mario related game. As strange as it may seem, the other and only reason he'd be singing the Mario theme music was...

If Matt were masturbating.

_First, a nightmare, and now _this._ That's just wonderful._ Sarcasm flowed through my mind as I reluctantly realize something about the nightmare I had earlier. I couldn't completely consider it a nightmare, not all of it at least. Most of it, yes, was a bizarre and wild night trauma. Half of it, however, was something completely different. _No. No. Less than half. Less than half._ I tried to tell myself that there was no way _this_ could be half. The strange illusion was more than 50% a nightmare. Although, the problem was, I could not stop thinking about how Near pleasured himself, how Matt and Near were getting it on, how I ravished both of them, how I ended up getting sandwiched between them, and even the lingerie. I also couldn't stop thinking about the powdery pink, lacy, woman's undies. I knew in the back of my mind...

33% of the dream was my guilty pleasure.

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*coughcough*  
See what I mean by Acid!fic?! XD  
This MattNear story turned into a MattNear/MelloNear/MattMello crackness. Lol!

Oh and yes, the Mario theme song thing was inspired by Dane Cook. XD One of his skits popped into my head while I was writing this. The song Love Game by Lady Gaga was also playing while I wrote this. I had to randomly through it in there with the rest of the randomness. ^ ^

....Don't you just hate when you have dreams like that? C':  
Tehehehe~

Oh and as for Anthem For the Underdog, I'm trying. D: I don't think I'll have it up by Sunday or Monday though. Sorry guys! I hope this short, Crack!fic makes up for it in some way! :)


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